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~*~*~*~*~ There
is no season nine, there is no season nine, there is no season nine.... ~*~*~*~*~ Lone
Gunmen Lair “Jimmy,
what the hell are you doing?” Langly inquired, after the Lone Gunmen’s
youngest companion had hid his face behind a sofa cushion. “Just
watching a movie.” Jimmy muttered. “What
movie?” Frohike asked. Jimmy
mumbled under his breath. “Huh?”
Byers’s forehead wrinkled. “The
Wizard of Oz, okay?” Jimmy smoothed his hair back. “It was on TV
and...” “So
why the hell are you scared?” Frohike asked. “Tellitubbies
are scarier than that movie.” Langly added, thinking of their recent
headline. “The
witch was on screen and-” “Awww,
Jimmy’s scared of the witch!” Langly teased. Jimmy frowned. “ “Like
who?” Frohike snorted. “78%
Of Americans, that’s who.” Jimmy said smugly. “I read it in a
magazine.” “Whatever.”
Byers sighed. “We’re going to bed.” “Yeah.
G’night Jimmy.” Frohike yawned. “Don’t
let the witches bite!” Langly smirked. “In
the words of Frohike: Shut up, punk!” Jimmy growled. Langly went to his
room muttering: “...Call
me a punk...I’m older than HE is...Scared of a witch...to easy NOT to
make fun of...” Jimmy
just smirked and went back to his movie. ~~~~~~~~ Byers
lay awake for an hour. He just couldn’t get what Jimmy said out of his
mind. “Get
a hold of yourself. There’s no such thing as witches. Their just modern
societies symbol of the terrors of the unknown.” He stated firmly.
Suddenly a loud cackle emanated from the TV in the living room. Byers
sighed. ~~~~~~~~~ “Damnit
Jimmy, turn that mess down!” Frohike yelled. A cackle could be heard
from the living room. “Sorry.”
Jimmy called back. ‘Now
I’ll never get to sleep.’ Frohike thought irritably. ~~~~~~~~~ “78%
Of Americans my ass.” Langly muttered and fell asleep. ~~~~~~~~~ “Oh
man...” Jimmy moaned, out of his usually happy-go-lucky demeanor. “AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!”
The witch screamed with evil glee. “I’m
going to bed.” Jimmy scrambled up, and switched the TV off. First
though, he checked and made sure the doors were locked. “I
really shouldn’t watch that movie unless the guys are up.” He burrowed
under the covers, trying to ignore the howling wind in the distance. ~~~~~~~~~ WHAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
CRASH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THUMP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! “Huh?”
Jimmy scrambled up. “What the?” A
huge tremor went through the Lone Gunmen lair. “What
the heck was that?” Jimmy looked around, very confused. Something was
either wrong with his vision--Or everything had lost its color. The room
seemed to be all in shades of gray and brown. Very cautiously, he got up
and made his way down the hall. “Byers,
do you know what...Byers?” Jimmy stopped and stared at the empty room “I
didn’t hear him leave...” Jimmy trekked to Frohike’s room. “Hey
Frohike...” He wasn’t there either. “What’s
going on?” Jimmy wondered aloud. The lack of Gunman was making him
nervous. “Langly?”
He tried the Blonde's room, but he was gone too. “What
happened in here?” Jimmy said loudly. The living room was trashed. “It
looks like a tornado hit!” Jimmy marveled. Suddenly something moved
behind a pile of papers. “Huh?”
He leaned down to investigate. A small black cat jumped from the papers,
onto the couch. “Where did you come from?” He murmured. He saw a small
collar, with a tag around the cat’s neck. The collar was black too, so
He hadn’t seen it right away. “Yves.”
Jimmy read. There was an address too, but it was smudged out. “ 'In
the Flesh. Well, the fur.' Yves voice said in his mind. “How
are you talking to me?” Jimmy’s brow furrowed. The cat shrugged. 'Telepathically,
I guess.' “Oh.
And, why are you a cat?!” Jimmy asked. 'No
idea. I just woke up like this. And I woke up in here!' Yves voice rose.
'Where are the Three Stooges?' “Um,
I dunno. They were gone when I woke up.” 'You
went to sleep in that?' Yves marveled. Jimmy then realized he was wearing
VERY strange clothes. “Overalls?”
Jimmy thought aloud. “I look like a farmhand!” Brown scuffed shoes,
and white cotton shirt completed the ensemble. 'Well,
let’s go outside, and see if we can find them.' “Man,
I hope they’re okay.” Jimmy moaned. The conspicuous pair carefully
neared the door. 'Is
it just me, or are things less colorful around here than usual?' “It’s
not just you. Ya know, this reminds me of something...” Jimmy trailed
off when he opened the door. Blazing light filled with color momentarily
blinded him. “What
the?” he murmured. Then everything cleared. Even Jimmy couldn’t miss
the identicallity. It was Munchkin land from the Wizard of Oz.
Gingerbread-style houses filled the small village square, surrounded by
exotic flowers. Jimmy wandered outside, dazzled. “Yves,
I don’t think we’re in 'What
was your first clue?' Yves rolled her eyes. “Whoa...” 'What?' “The
good Witch.” Jimmy whispered. A large pink bubble was floating towards
them. Suddenly, it dissolved into... “Agent
Scully?!” Jimmy yelped. The lovely agent looked taken aback. “Jimmy?”
Her forehead wrinkled. The two had met at the Gunmen‘s new year eve
party. Only, then she’d been wearing a tee-shirt and jeans, not a
fairy-princess pink dress with a matching crown. “Uhh,
yeah it’s me. But are you...I mean...” 'A
witch?' Yves finished. 'Honestly, I didn’t see that one coming-' “Oh
stuff it Yves.” Scully said bitterly. “You have it worse than I do.
I’M still human.” 'That’s
debatable.' Yves commented dryly. “How
come you’re here? And, are we where I think we are?” Jimmy inquired. “I
guess someone had to fill in for Glinda. And yes, we are in the “Isn’t
that supposed to be Oz?” Jimmy was getting more confused by the second. Scully
shrugged. “Hey, it’s your subconscious.” “Subconscious?” 'Isn’t
someone supposed to be dead?' Yves interrupted. “Someone
is.” Scully motioned to the Lone Gunmen Lair. A pair of legs, ending in
Red sneakers, was protruding from beneath it. “Jimmy,
you really did a number on him.” Scully marveled. “I-I
killed someone?!” Jimmy gasped. “Don’t
worry, he was really evil.” Scully reassured him. “He?
Who-Oh no, you don’t mean Frohike do you? I mean he hit on you and all
but he was a little punch drunk-” “No
Jimmy. I have an idea here Frohike is.” Scully smiled a little. “Those
legs belong to Maniac Marvin.” “That
guy we reported on??! Oh man!” Jimmy moaned. 'The
one who prosecuted Charlie Muckel.' Yves remembered. “Yes.
Now if we can skip the singing-” 'Please.'
Yves said. “-And
go strait to the-” “Evil
villain?” A voice cackled. Out of nowhere, Morris Fletcher appeared in a
cloud of red smoke, swirling a martini in his hand. “The
Wicked witch of the west?” Jimmy said in a timid voice. “Well,
YOU aren’t the one looking for a brain!” Fletcher cackled. Jimmy
cringed. “I
thought the MIB’s killed you.” Jimmy said frightenedly. (Authors note:
Just creative liberty:) Fletcher
cackled. “In this universe, I can NEVER die. You might though-” “Aren’t
you forgetting something?” Scully reminded him. “Ahh,
yes, the ruby-red sneakers!” Fletcher screeched. He walked over to the
LGM Lair, but just as he got there, the shoes faded away, leaving a
shriveling pair of legs. “Their
gone! What did you do with them?!” Fletcher spun around, accusing
Scully. “It’s
to late, Mister MIB. There they are, and there they’ll stay.” Scully
smiled knowingly, and pointed to Jimmy’s feet. “Oh
man, cool!” Jimmy eyes widened. His brown shoes had vanished, and in
their place were the ruby-red sneakers. Fletcher eyes narrowed. “Give
them back to me.” He hissed. “Their no use to you. Your to dumb to use
them.” “Don’t
do it.” Scully advised. “They must be very important if he wants them
so badly.” “Hey!
No fair giving him advice!” Fletcher whined. “You give them back to
me, or I’ll-” “You’ll
what?” Scully said, raising her eyebrow. “Everyone knows you have no
power here. Now leave, before someone drops a top-secret facility on
you!” On cue, Fletcher looked into the sky. Sighing disgustedly, he
turned to Jimmy. “Fine.
But you just TRY and get away from me. Just try. I’ll get you, my...Hmm,
I can’t really call him pretty can I?” He mused. “Ah well, I’ll
get you, my brainless one, and your little cat too! AHAHA-” In
mid-cackle Fletcher began to choke. Finally clearing his throat he
managed: “How did that old broad DO this?!” And vanished in a cloud of
red fire. 'That
went well.' Yves said dryly. “Man,
I’ve only been here five minutes, and I have a witch after me!” Jimmy
moaned. “Well,
that’s how the story goes.” Scully reminded him. “Now, if you’ll
start on your merry journey down the yellow brick road, I can get back to
my apartment.” She sighed, turned back into a pink bubble, and floated
off. “Uh
sure. C’mon Yves.” Jimmy bent down to pick her up. 'You
touch me, and I’ll kill you.' She hissed and arched her back. “Point
taken.” Jimmy backed up. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~ End of Part one. “Aren’t we supposed to run into the scarecrow by now?” Jimmy
groaned. 'Hmm, yes, at the fork in the road.' Yves sighed. “Who do you think it'll be?” Jimmy asked. 'Who already looked like a scarecrow?' “Uhh...Mulder?" "Try again." A nasal voice called from above their heads. "Langly!" Jimmy looked up, and saw Langly sitting on a
wooden pole, dressed in his favorite Ramones tee-shirt, jeans, and looking
rather nervous. "How did you get up there?" "I have NO idea. I was at home in bed, when there was this
really loud noise outside, and the next thing I know, I'm stuck on this
pole, and I'm a scarecrow." Langly groaned. "I'll get you down." Jimmy simply reached up and plucked
the much-lighter Langly from his post. "Thanks. I think." Langly said, as Jimmy set him down. 'Langly, your even scrawnier than usual.' Yves would have smirked
if she could. "Yves? That's you??!" Langly gaped at the black cat. "Yeah, and Scully's ‘Glinda’." Jimmy said. "Oh boy, Doo-hike would die to see her in a fairy princess
dress." Langly snickered. 'You've seen Frohike?' Yves would have arched her eyebrows, if
she'd had any. "Nah, but the little troll's gotta be around her
somewhere." Langly said. "Did you see anyone else here I should
know about?" "Yeah, um, Fletcher." "Oh man, he's the wicked witch of the west isn't he?"
Langly asked. 'I'm afraid so. And he wants-' "Those red sneakers, I know, I know." Langly cut her off. "How do you know so much?" Jimmy was curious. "Well, it isn't that hard to figure out. You’re wearing
those--” He pointed to the red sneakers-- "And, you know, There's
only so many choices you have in these predictable fanfics-OW OW OW OW!!"
Langly began to shriek as several crows attacked him. "What the hell
is this, the birds?!! (GirlX:
Really Langly, you should have expected that) "Hey leave him alone!" Jimmy yelled at the birds, and the
author. (GirlX:
Make me) "Leave him alone or I'll...spoil the plot!!" (GirlX:
Okay, don't get cranky) The birds flew away. "Thanks." Langly gasped, and used his inhaler. 'Aren't you supposed to sing a song about your lack of brains?'
Yves inquired. "I'm not singing." Langly crossed his arms. "There
is no way in hell. And I have plenty of brains." "So what do you need?" Jimmy asked. "What I need is the newest version of Dungeons &
Dragons." Langly's eyes sparkled. "I've heard it's the best
ever." 'I'd think you'd want some flame retardant, considering your new
form.' "Why don't you find a litter box." Langly shot back. "Both of you quit." Jimmy said. "We need to work
together to get out of this." 'He's
right.' Yves sighed. "Fine.
But I'm still not singing." Langly said. "Fair
enough. The writer is cutting the songs." Jimmy added. "Thank God. Frohike sounds like a run-down elk when he
sings." Langly snickered. "So, where do we go from here?" Jimmy asked. "Down the center path, as far as I can remember." Langly
shrugged. 'On to the forest.' "F-forest?" Jimmy said. "Yeah, man, don't you remember?" Langly asked. "Yeah. I was just hoping..." Jimmy trailed off and looked
at them fearfully. "That it would be different for us." Langly finished
flatly. 'Only one way to find out.' Yves reminded them. "Oh alright." Jimmy said. "Maybe we'll run into the
rest of the guys." "OW! Watch it!" Langly yelled, as Jimmy tried to link
arms. "Straw isn't very sturdy you know!" ~~~~~ Forrest “Umm, Shouldn’t we have run into some killer trees or
something?” Langly gulped. The lack of evil foliage was actually
unnerving him. “Yeah I think--OW!” Jimmy yelped as apples began to pelt them.
Thinking fast, he pulled Langly behind some normal trees. Yves had already
hidden herself. “What the hell--OW--do we do now?!” Langly tried to duck the
barrage. 'Just stay behind here. They’ll quit in a minute.' Yves said. “Great.” Langly muttered. “I think that--OW!!--We should retreat.” Jimmy stumbled
backwards and knocked into something solid. Jimmy slowly revolved on the spot and found himself face to face
with a silver colored Byers. “Byers!” Jimmy exclaimed, and noticed an oil can nearby.
“Hold on a second.” He quickly lubricated Byers stiff joints. “Thanks Jimmy.” Byers gasped. “I thought I’d be stuck there
forever.” “You’re...” Jimmy looked him over. Byers seemed to be in the
same three piece suit, only it was silver. In fact, Byers seemed to be
completely coated in silver. “The same.” “Except for the fact that I’m now metal.” Byers knocked
lightly on his chest, and a hollow-sounding bang resounded, “Probably
tin.” “You’re
better off than Langly.” Jimmy told him. “He’s straw.” “Whose
better off than me?” Langly walked up. “Byers!” Byers
took one look at Langly and began to laugh. “Go
ahead tin man, laugh it up.” Langly grumbled. “S-sorry
Langly.” Byers was laughing so hard that he was crying. “It’s just
that-” Byers stopped suddenly in mid sentence. “He
rusted up again!” Jimmy cried out, and picked up the oil can. “Whose
laughing now?” Langly eyed him. “Okay,
you made your point.” Byers said after Jimmy oiled his mouth. 'Its
about time you showed up.' Byers
jumped slightly at the voice in his head. “Yves, where are you?” 'Down
here.' Yves placed a paw on his leg. “Oh.”
Byers looked at her. “Why are you...Never mind. I don’t want to
know.” (GirlX:
Can you get on with it please?) “Who
was that?” Byers glanced around. “GirlX.”
Langly rolled his eyes. “Don’t get her mad. “Okay”
Byers said. “Do we have to sing?” “Not
if you tell us what you want from the Wizard.” “Well,
since Susan Modeski is out of the questions, I guess I’d like to know
where I put all my floppy disks. They have back-issues of the paper on
them.” “Your
a real wild man Byers.” Langly rolled his eyes. “What
are you requesting?” Byers inquired. “Umm...the
new D&D...” Langly said quietly. “Very
imaginative.” Byers held back a snicker. Suddenly
Fletcher appeared in a treetop, in a fire-shaded
cloud of smoke. “Helping the moron along are you?” He sneered and sipped a
drink out of his martini glass. “He’s not a moron.” Byers said defensively. “Yeah, why don’t you go boil some newt eyes!” Langly shot. “Newt
eyes? Ewwww. Just for that-” Fletcher narrowed his eyes and formed a
fireball in his hand. “Oh
crap.” Langly managed to whimper before he tossed it. “AHH!!! I’M ON
FIRE!!” He shrieked, even thought it had missed him. Barely. Byers,
figuring he was metal and it wouldn’t hurt him, quickly stamped out the
fire, ala Frodo Baggins in 'Lord of the Rings'. “Ohhh.”
Fletcher groaned in mock disappointment. “I’ll just have to flame you
later. And don’t think you’re getting off any better, Tin man.
You’ll make an excellent cigarette lighter.” “Over
my dead body.” Jimmy growled, recovering his voice. “That’s
the idea.” Fletchers eyes gleamed malevolently. He vanished in another
cloud of smoke. “I
hope that won’t happen again.” Langly said. “Yeah.”
Jimmy sighed, wishing the story was already over. “Where's
Frohike?” Byers tried to change the subject. “He’s
either father down the road, or somewhere else in this (BLEEP)ing
place.” Langly made a face.
End of Part Two Forrest
(Father in and darker) “This
is spooky.” Jimmy shivered. “This
is beyond spooky.” Langly said. “This is in the realm of creepy.” ‘Calm
yourselves, you wusses.’ Yves grumbled. 'There isn’t a thing out here
that can hurt you.' “That
you can see.” Byers said. “If
there IS anything out here, it better not eat straw.” Langly’s voice
had a hint of nervousness. “Like
cows...” Byers grinned. “Shut-up.”
Langly glared at him. “Mister ‘I can’t handle one tiny little spider
without screaming like a girl’.” Byers
squinted dangerously at him, “Watch it straw boy.” Jimmy
giggled in the dark. “Clowns.”
Byers and Langly sighed together. “WHERE?!”
Jimmy shrieked. 'Cows
and Spiders and Clowns, oh my.' Yves mused. “Don’t
tell me we have to do THAT hokey bit.” Langly groaned. (GirlX:
You’d better.) “Cows
and Spiders and Clowns, oh my.” Byers sighed, eye’s rolling upward. “Cows
and Spiders and Clowns, oh my.” Langly repeated flatly. “Cows
and Spiders and Clowns, oh my.” Jimmy looked a bit nervous. They
waited for a long second. “Um,
isn’t something supposed to jump out at us?” Byers asked. “There’s
no freakin’ way I’m gonna-OW, stoppit! Alright, alright! I’ll do it!
Just stop pushing me-OW, I’m going!!” Frohike suddenly stumbled out of
a nearby bush. “Damn pushy writers.” Langly
immediately began to howl with laughter. “Y-your-Hahaha!” “Go
ahead, laugh it up straw boy.” Frohike growled. The
lion suit really wasn’t all that bad. Especially since Frohike was
wearing one of his leather jackets and a pair of fingerless gloves over
it. “Hi.”
Byers tried to muffle his laughter. “You look uh--Different.” ‘Mm.
I should have suspected as much.' Yves smirked. “Shut-up.”
Frohike grumbled. “Let’s get this damn thing over with.” “At
least we know who’s the author’s least favorite!” Langly giggled. “I
am not!” Frohike protested. “Yes
you are!” Langly said. “Am
not!” “Are
too!” (GirlX:
Langly, shut up or I’ll do something worse to you.) “Like
what?” Langly demanded. “Langly,
it’s not smart to provoke the author.” Whispered Byers. (GirlX:
Like this.) There
was a bright flash of lightning that blinded the five for a few seconds.
When their vision cleared, Langly was gone. “What
did you do to him?!” Jimmy demanded. (GirlX:
He’s fine. He‘s just a little--Well...) ‘This
should be amusing.' Yves commented. Frohike
chuckled. “It better be.” Byers
heaved a sigh. “Let’s see what she’s done to him.” “Langly?”
Jimmy called. “Um...Yeah,
I’m over here...” A soft British voice called. ‘Why
does he sound like me?!’ Yves demanded. (GirlX:
You’ll see.) “I
don’t like where this is going...” Byers said uneasily. “Hey
punk, why don’t you come out?” Frohike called. “No!”
The same voice called back. (GirlX:
GO!) “Okay
okay!” Langly stepped into view. “Writers...” ‘HOW
COULD YOU?!’ Yves screamed. Langly
was now an exact double of Yves in her human form. Byers
and Frohike immediately lost it. “Oh
my God!” Frohike was howling with laughter. ‘Being
me is not a punishment!’ Yves shrieked. “Yes
it is!” Langly countered. “I’m a woman!” “NOW
we know who the author's least favorite is!” Byers said. Yves
hissed. ‘I swear to God, I’ll get her for this!’ “It’s
okay Yves.” Jimmy said sympathetically. “At least she notices you.” “This
is awful!” Langly shrieked. “Aw,
it’s not that bad.” Frohike said slyly. “It’ll sure liven things
up around the Lair--” “You
keep your mouth shut Doo-Hike!” Langly growled. (GirlX:
Learned your lesson yet?) “Okay,
I’m sorry!” Langly said. “Change me back!” (GirlX:
Fine.) Another
bolt of lightning lit the sky, and the scarecrow-esq Langly was back. “Thank
God!” The hacker breathed. “Another minute in that body and I would
have gone nuts!” ‘Being
me is not a punishment!’ Yves tone was now sullen and whiney. “I
think GirlX has a different opinion about that.” Byers said. “Can
we get on with this?” Frohike demanded. “Uh
yeah. Frohike, what is it that you want?” Jimmy asked. “Aside
from Scully.” Langly added. “I
guess I could use a few ah...additions to my video collection... (GirlX:
PG-13 Frohike.) “...Like
the movie ‘Space balls.” He finished, somewhat disappointed. “Hmm.”
Byers raised an eyebrow at him. “Shut-up.” “We’d
better. This forest is getting darker and creeper by the minute.” Jimmy
glanced around. “I
think the dimwit is right.” Langly said uneasily. (GirlX:
Langly, do you have a death wish or something?) Langly
sighed, “Fine. I think...Jimmy...is
right. God, that sounds so weird.” “Let’s
get outta here before a real wild animal shows up.” Frohike said. ‘Oh
please.’ Yves rolled her eyes. ‘What could possibly be out here?’ (GirlX:
Tigers.) Suddenly
a loud roar resonated in the not-to-far distance. ‘Lets
go.’ Yves said quickly. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Unbeknownst to our hero’s, Morris Fletcher (AKA The Wicked Witch
of the West) was watching them through cameras. “That’s
it.” He sipped his martini. “Just keep helping the idiot along.” “Sir?”
A sniveling voice spoke up from behind him. “What
is it private?” He groaned and turned. “The
poison is in place. Should I implement it?” “In
about an hour. And remember, I want the one in the red shoes and his cat,
UNHARMED. Put the other three in my dungeons. I want to get them
personally.” (GirlX:
Hey, wait a minute! I never said you could kill them!) “Tough.”
Fletcher grinned. “That’s the way the computer crumbles. (GirlX:
Who do you think you’re talking to?! I could kill you off right now!) “Try
it.” Fletcher took another sip. GirlX
began to type his untimely end, when the keyboard began to melt away under
her fingertips. (GirlX:
What the hell is this?!?) “This
is my story now. Kiss your friends goodbye.” ‘Oh
crap!’ GirlX thought. ‘I thought this only happened in bad X-Files!’ (GirlX:
It doesn’t matter Fletcher. All witch’s get their comeuppance in the
end!) “Yeah
right. Those three don’t stand a chance.” (GirlX:
Those three are more resourceful than you think. You’ll see.) “Mm.
Well sit back and enjoy ‘Your’ story.” Fletcher cackled. “It’ll
be their last.” With
that hackneyed line, the keyboard completely vanished, and GirlX
couldn’t type a response. ‘They
better be resourceful.’ She thought grimly. She
sat back and watched the words form. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ End
of Part three “Jimmy,
what are you seeing the wizard for?” Byers asked. “Huh?”
Jimmy said. “Well,
we all have reasons. Yves, I assume, is to be turned back to a human.” ‘Damn
right!’ Yves spat. “I
guess to get all of us home.” Jimmy said. “Hmm.
Do we know anything about this wizard?” Langly asked. “What
Wizard? There’s no Wizard.” Frohike countered. “There’s
no Wizard?! Then why are we going on this stupid journey?!” Langly
demanded. “Um...”
Jimmy said. “I just assumed there was a wizard.” “GirlX
really messed up on this.” Frohike commented. “Are
you nuts?! She’ll probably smite you for saying that!” Byers looked
horrified. “Although, she did screw up...” They
all waited for a comment, or lightning bolt from GirlX. “Weird.”
Langly commented. “Something’s
wrong.” Byers said. ‘He’s
right. I have animal instincts right now, and I can feel it.’ Yves said. “Maybe
the keyboard froze up.” Jimmy suggested. “Then
wouldn’t the story pause?” Langly asked. “Yeah,
so what’s going on?” Frohike demanded. “I
don’t know, but I don’t like it.” Byers said. “We’d better watch
out from now on.” “For
what?” Langly demanded. “If there’s no wizard, there’s no reason
to keep going on this path.” “There’s
no wizard, but there is a good witch.” Frohike sighed with exasperation. “Who,
Scully?” Byers asked. “No,
it’s Lydia, the good witch of the south.” Frohike said. “GirlX told
me that before I got onscreen.” “Oh.
So, we go to her city?” Byers said. “Yeah,
the Sapphire city.” “The
Sapphire city. Real cute.” Langly made a face. “We already know
we’ll have to get something from Fletcher, so why don't we just go
strait to his fortress?” “We
don’t know what we’ll have to take.” Byers reminded him. “It could
be an ID card, a cigarette lighter, a pendant...” “We
get the idea.” Langly rolled his eyes. Frohike
sighed. “So what do we do?” “If
GirlX were speaking to us, she’d probably tell us.” Jimmy added
helpfully. ‘Well
she’s not.’ Yves growled a little bit at the mention of her tormenter.
~~~~~~ “I
would if I could.” GirlX growled back. ‘How
the hell do I get a message to them without typing?!’ She thought
fiercely. *DING*
The
proverbial light bulb lit above her head. “That
might work.” She began to
move the mouse. ~~~~~~ “I
hate plot holes.” Langly grumbled at the five trudged along. “Yeah,
well, there’s nothing we can do about them.” Frohike said. “Hey,
wait a sec. Do you guys hear that?” Jimmy stopped. “Hear
what?” Byers asked. “That
music.” Jimmy said. “Listen.” ‘It
sounds like...’ “...Alcohol,
my permanent accessory?” Byers repeated the lyrics, perplexed. “Hey,
I know that song!” Langly exclaimed. “It’s called ‘Alcohol’
by ‘Barenaked Ladies.” “So?”
Frohike said. “Maybe
GirlX is trying to tell us something.” Jimmy said suddenly. “Yeah,
but what?” Byers said. ~~~~~~~ “Oh
come on! I’m trying to prove you guys AREN'T dumb. Put two and two
together!” GirlX yelled at the monitor. “I don’t even know WHY I
have an MP3 player!” ~~~~~~~ “It
must have something to do with alcohol.” Jimmy said. “Whatever we have
to get.” ‘He’s
always got that God-awful martini glass when I see him.’ Yves said. “That’s
it!” Byers snapped his fingers with a metallic bang. “We have to get
his martini glass.” “That
it?” Langly asked tiredly. “You all know that means we’ll have to
kill him.” “Great.”
Frohike muttered. “Guys,
look. There’s a fork in the road.” Jimmy pointed ahead. “And a
sign.” “Safe
path’ or ‘Turn back now.’” Langly read. ‘Guess
which one goes to the fortress.’ Yves sighed. “Fantastic.”
Frohike rolled his eyes. “Let’s get this over with.” ~~~~~~~ “Uh
guys, do you see that?” Jimmy pointed to a sign. “Area
51.” Byers read. “Government officials only, by order of the MIB.” “Men
In Black?” Jimmy asked. “Morris
Incorporated Business.” Frohike said. “Subtle.”
Langly commented. “Mm.
This may require some stealth on our part.” Byers looked worried. 'How
the hell do we pull that off?’ Yves demanded. ‘I mean, we don’t
exactly blend in.’ “Yeah,
and we can’t just pull a switch either.” Langly said. “I doubt
they’d mistake us for employees, even if we had uniforms.” “We’re
going to have to sneak in.” Byers said. “There has to be a back
door.” “We
could hack into the security database, if Langly had his Damn laptop.”
Frohike muttered. “I
told you already, take it up with GirlX!” Langly grumbled. “If
she ever gets back.” Jimmy looked worried. “Anyway.”
Byers began. “Lets try to FIND the building before we worry about how to
get in.” “Uh,
that might be it.” Jimmy said. A
huge, Looming, rectangular structure made of dark gray stone appeared in
the distance. It was in sharp contrast with the bright rainbow of flower
fields surrounding it. No windows peered out of its blank, lifeless walls.
The only visible entrance was a huge slightly darker steel door. “Um...”
Langly looked at the building wide-eyed behind his glasses. “Yeah.”
Frohike said. “So
uh...any suggestions?” Byers asked weakly. ‘Why
do those flowers look familiar?’ Jimmy wondered. ‘It
doesn't appear to be heavily
guarded.’ Yves said. “Only
one way to find out.” Langly said. They
crept toward the MIB building, which was several hundred yards away. “Those
flowers look weird.” Jimmy commented. ‘They
could have hidden listening devices.’ Yves said. “Let’s
check one out.” Langly suggested. “Byers,
you're bullet-proof. Go grab one.” Frohike said. “I’m
not going to get one!” Byers hissed. “You get one!” “I’m
not going to get one!” Frohike said. “Don’t
look at me!” Langly said. ‘Oh
for God’s sake, I’LL do it!’ Yves hissed. “Yves,
wait-” Jimmy started too late. Yves was already slinking her way toward
the multihued buds. “Be
careful.” Jimmy whispered. Yves
rolled her eyes. Slowly she crept to the stalks and extended a claw. With
the grace and ease of a cookery artist, she cut the stem. “Wow.”
Frohike commented as she carried it back. ‘You’re
damn right ‘Wow’.’ Yves smirked. Byers
cautiously pried the budding pink flower open. He tapped the stem. “Nothing.”
He handed the flower to Frohike. “Maybe they’re just for show.” “Not
l-likely.” Frohike stifled a yawn. “The Wicked Witch of the west in
there is too cautious to have these for no reason.” ‘Maybe
the citizens of LGM have an allergy to these flowers.’ Yves suggested. Jimmy
nodded thoughtfully. Frohike
rubbed his eyes. “I feel really weird all the sudden.” Yves
sighed almost inaudibly, ‘Me too.’ “Get
away from that flower.” Byers said suddenly. “All of you. Quick.” “What?”
Frohike dropped the flower numbly. “What‘s
the matter?” Jimmy asked thickly. “What
the hell is wrong with all of you?” Langly demanded. “You’re acting
like you’ve been drugged.” “I
think they have been.” Byers said. “Those flowers must contain some
kind of poison. You and I haven’t been affected because we’re not
living beings, sort of.” Langly
nodded. “So they’re not going to be able to get inside the
fortress.” “Like
hell I’m not coming.” Frohike said, his head beginning to clear. “We’ll
just have to figure something out.” Jimmy said. ‘You
two aren't exactly suited for infiltration right now.’ Yves smirked. “Yves,
see how far in you can get before you pass out.” Frohike suggested. ‘Why?’ So
we can see the minimum distance until the poison begins to work.” Byers
said. “The rest of us will be able to go in longer than you.” Yves
nodded and slunk toward the field again, apprehension almost visible in
her liquid movements. “If
anything happens to her, I’m going in.” Jimmy made a fist. Yves
began to creep under the enticing flower petals. About
a third of the way to the fortress, the Gunmen saw the black tail that had
been twitching over the flowers, dip out of sight. Langly quickly
retrieved her. “Yves?
Are you alright?” Jimmy asked. “She’s
out, man.” Langly said. But
Yves slowly blinked awake. “Are
you okay?” Frohike asked. ‘I
will be as soon as Blondie puts me down.’ She said. Langly
obliged her. “Byers, what do you think?” “I
think that if we run, and hold our breath, we should be able to make
it.” “What
do we do AFTER we get in?” Frohike asked. Byers
just shook his head. “We’ll
have to worry about that later.” “Yves,
I’d better carry you.” Jimmy said. “You’ll pass out if you try to
run.” Yves
groaned. ‘What did I do to deserve this?’ “Got
GirlX mad at you.” Langly grinned toothily. ‘Shut-up.’ Jimmy
scooped her up, much to Yves’s displeasure. “This
should be a calculated maneuver.” Byers began. “But we have no clue
what we’re up against, so screw it.” They
all looked at Byers with raised eyebrows. “That’s
a first.” Langly commented. “I
want to get out of here just as much as you guys.” Byers said. “Apparently.”
Frohike said. “Okay,
lets go to the back door.” Byers said. ~~~~~~~ “NOOOOO!
Not the back door!” GirlX yelled. ~~~~~~~ “Sir?”
“What
is it private?” Morris rolled his eyes. “Intruders
in the rear of the fortress.” “What
did I tell you to do with them?!” “Right
sir.” The man retreated. “Idiot.”
He muttered. ~~~~~~ ‘I’ve
gotta warn them!’ GirlX thought franticly. ‘The MP3 player! What music
should I use...’ ~~~~~~ “What
the hell is that?” Langly stopped. “Music.”
Jimmy said. “I
know that!” ‘It’s
a repetitive verse.’ Yves interrupted. ‘It sounds like someone saying
“See those danger signs, Sneaking up from behind.” over and over.’ “The
last time we heard music--” Byers would have paled, if that had been
possible. The
five spun around. “There’s
nothing--” “OW!!!” ~~~~~~~~~ End
of part 4 "Huh?
Wuzza?” “Ah,
sleeping beauty awakes.” A sinister voice said. “I’m
dead. I’m dead and I’m in hell.” Langly moaned and opened his eyes. “No
you’re not dead, but you’ll wish you were.” Fletcher grinned
sharkishly. “Where’s
everyone else?’ Langly asked groggily. “That’s
none of your concern.” “The
hell it isn’t!” He tried to jump up, but fond himself shackled to a
gray stone wall by his wrists. “I
believe you’ll find escape quite impossible.” “Shut-up.”
Langly muttered. “Here.”
Fletcher pulled a remote device from inside his cheap suit. “This’ll
cheer you up.” *Click*
A big screen TV with surround-sound lit up. “NO!
ANY THING BUT THAT!!!” Langly shrieked. “Enjoy.”
Fletcher smirked and vanished in a puff of smoke. ‘I
love you, you love me, we‘re a happy--’ The TV glowed with the image
of the sinister purple fiend. “NOOOOO!!!!!!”
Langly wailed. ~~~~~~ ‘Why
isn’t GirlX stopping this?’ Byers wondered desperately. “Turn
that off!” He said aloud. “What’s
the matter, Tin man?” Fletcher grinned. “Don’t you like Rap
music?” “If
that’s what you call rhythmic swearing.” Byers glared at him. “That’s
too bad, because it’s gonna be the last thing you’ll ever hear.” “Why
are you doing this?” “Because
I can.” Fletcher vanished. ~~~~~~ “I
swear to God Fletcher, I’ll kick your ass yet.” “Whoa,
calm down little man.” Fletcher held up his hands. “I just want to
talk.” Frohike
glared at the Witch. “Get the hell away from me.” “No.”
Fletcher smirked. “What
do you want?!” Frohike demanded. “You’ve already got us locked
up.” “Yeah,
you three were what I was after.” Fletcher rolled his eyes. “Frohike,
you think to much of yourself.” “Your
not really after those damn shoes are you?” “As
a matter of fact, I am. They interest me on a magical level.” “Cut
the crap.” “Fine.
There’s a computer chip hidden in the sole of one. I need it.” “Figures.”
Frohike muttered. “So why the hell don’t you take it, and let us
go?” “Now
that I’ve got you in my domain, I plan to have a little fun.” Fletcher
smirked. “Do you like the Backstreet boys?” “Shut
the hell up.” “Fine.
I’ll just leave you some parting music.” He vanished in a puff of
smoke. 'All
you people, can’t you see, can’t you see, how you are affecting our
reality...' “Damn!”
Frohike cursed loudly. ~~~~~~ ‘Put
me down, or I’ll claw your eyes out!’ Yves hissed. “Aww,
lookit, the pussycat’s upset.” ‘Shut-up.’ “Fletcher,
if you hurt her--” Jimmy struggled against his chains. “Give
it a break, Moose.” Fletcher dropped Yves into a glass pet-carrier.
“There’s no way your breaking those things.” “What
do you want?” “I
want those dashing little red numbers you’ve got on.” Fletcher pointed
to Jimmy’s feet. “No
way. Scully said not to give them to you.” “Then
I’ll just devise some new punishments for your friends. You want to see
how they’re doing?” ‘Don’t
listen to him!’ Yves said quickly. ‘We all know he lies.’ “Can
it, Whiskers.” Fletcher snapped. “Just to show I’m not lying--” Fletcher
pulled the magical remote from his jacket, and switched on a hidden TV.
“Ah, my favorite show--Dungeons and Dummies.” Jimmy
watched horrified, as the Gunmen twisted and writhed against each private
punishment. “Stop
it!” Jimmy yelled. “Leave them alone, I’ve got what you want!” “I’ll
stop when you hand those shoes over.” “Fine,
take them!” Jimmy moaned. “Just let the guys go.” “Smart
move. For the first time in your life.” Fletcher bent down to take the
shoes, when a shower of red sparks flew at him. “AHHH!” ‘Serve’s
you right!’ “Shut-up!”
Fletcher scowled. “I forgot. Those shoes won’t come off--as long as
your alive.” Jimmy’s
eye’s widened. “But
that’s easily remedied.” Fletcher pulled a gun from his jacket. ‘NO!’
Yves shrieked and burst through her cage door. She leapt at Fletcher and
dug her claws into his leg. “OOOW!”
Fletcher shrieked and dropped his gun. Yves
retracted her claws and slid the gun across the floor and down the steps,
Fletcher hot on her heels. Thinking fast, she slid it into a crack in the
stone wall, and slipped off into the dungeons. “NO!”
Fletcher moaned. “Guards! Find that cat!” “Yessir.”
Two guards appeared out of nowhere, and left just as quickly. Fletcher
stomped back upstairs. “And as for you--” He pulled a syringe from his
pocket. “This is just as effective as a gun, if a little slower.” “Get
away from me!” Jimmy twisted in his chains. “No
can do.” Fletcher stuck Jimmy in the arm and released the liquid in one
fluid motion. Jimmy
moaned and slid down the wall. “I’ll
check back in about half an hour. That should be more than enough time.” Fletcher
smirked and shut the chamber’s door with a loud ‘Click.’ Jimmy
moaned again, suddenly feeling very weak. ‘Only
half an hour.’ He thought dimly. ~~~~~~~~~~~ ‘Damn.’
Yves cursed. She knew she had to find the Gunmen soon. Fletcher would
undoubtedly have a backup plan. ‘Byers!’
She called desperately. ‘Frohike! Langly! Where are you??’ “Yves?”
A vice suddenly called back. ‘Byers?
Where are you?’ “In
a cell.” Byers whispered. Yves followed the voice to a steel door. ‘Hang
on a moment, I’ll pick the lock.’ She clawed her way up the stone
wall, and stuck her claw into the keyhole. Thank
God.” Byers muttered as the door swung open. ‘Are
you okay?’ “A
few more verses of ‘The Real Slim Shady’ and I’d be dead.” He
replied dryly. ‘Well,
you’d better recover fast. Jimmy needs help.’ Yves picked the lock on
the shackles. “We
have to find Frohike and Langly first.” Byers said, rubbing his wrists. ‘Fine,
but lets hurry!’ Yves sounded desperate. ‘If we don’t Fletcher will
kill him.’ Byers
nodded and stood up. “They must be somewhere nearby.” ‘Langly!
Frohike!’ Yves called out again. “Yves?”
Two separate voices answered simultaneously--in opposite directions. “You
go right, I’ll go left.” Byers said. ~~~~~~~~ Jimmy
sank deeper into exhaustion. A black mist was crowding his vision. ‘I
hope Yves and the guys get out okay.’ He thought. Slowly,
he glanced at his wristwatch. ‘Fifteen minutes.’ ~~~~~~~ “Okay,
lets go.” Byers said as soon as he’d freed Langly. “Where’s
Doo-Hike and Yves?” ‘Right
here.’ Yves pawed his leg. Langly
jumped with a small shriek. “Don’t DO that!!” “Will
you shut up?!” Frohike hissed. “There are guards all over the
place.” ‘Lets
go back upstairs!’ Yves voice sounded close to a wail. ‘Jimmy’s in
danger!’ ~~~~~~~~ Paralysis
was setting in. Jimmy found it difficult to move, even if he gathered what
remained of his dwindling energy. ‘Yves.’
He thought desperately. ‘I don’t care what happens to me, as long as
you and the guys are safe.’ Jimmy
couldn’t see his watch very well, because the black mist had gotten
deeper, but he estimated that at least five more minutes had gone by. “Jimmy?!”
Suddenly, a pounding on the door. “Guys?”
Jimmy wheezed in a weak voice. ‘Hurry,
please!’ Yves sounded nearly frantic. “I’m
trying--” Frohike muttered. “Okay, it’s almost there...” There
was another loud CLICK and the door swung open. Jimmy could barely keep
his eyes open to watch them stream in. “Jimmy!”
Byers dropped to his side. “What
happened?” Frohike asked. “Fletcher--”
Jimmy struggled with the words, “S-syringe--” ‘He’s
been poisoned!’ Yves yelped. “How
much time do we have to get the antidote?” Langly asked. Jimmy
shifted his eyes to his watch. “Ten minutes.” ‘I’ll
kill him for this.’ Yves fur stood on end. “Yves,
stay here with Jimmy. We’ll find Fletcher.” Byers said. She
nodded and sat next to Jimmy. The
Gunmen gave there comrade one last look and hurried downstairs. “Yves.”
Jimmy said softly. ‘Yes,
I’m here.’ Yves sounded worried. “Go.
Get out now.” ‘I’m
not going anywhere.’ She said firmly. “Go
while you can.” Jimmy insisted. The strain of talking was exhausting
him, but he wasn’t going to let Yves be caught. ‘Jimmy,
I’m not leaving you.’ Yves said. Jimmy
sighed and closed his eyes. It shut out the black mist. ~~~~~~~~~ End
of Part 5 “I’ll
kill him for this.” Byers hissed. “I‘ll
help.” Frohike said. “But we’ve gotta find him first.” “Oh
look, the stooges have gotten out of their cells.” A sneering voice
called from above. “Fletcher!”
Three venomous voices rang out. They stared up at the MIB agent, on a
balcony at least 40 feet above them. “What
did you do to Jimmy?” Langly demanded. Fletcher
smirked down at them. “It doesn’t matter. It’s already too late.” “You're
lying.” Byers hissed through his teeth. “No,
see for yourselves.” Fletcher clicked the remote again, and a hidden
screen alighted. Yves and Jimmy appeared, but Jimmy looked pale as....well
death. “Where’s
the antidote?” Frohike demanded. “We know you injected him with
something.” “What
antidote?” Fletcher countered. “Why in the world would I make an
antidote?” “You
Bastared.” Langly growled. “We know you too well. You have one, just
in case you got injected.” “It’s
too late.” Fletcher smirked. “Even if I gave it to you, he’d die.” “Then
give it too us.” Byers countered. “Since you have nothing to lose.” “Fat
chance metal man.” ~~~~~~ ‘Jimmy,
just hang in there, okay?’ Yves pleaded. ‘The guys will be back any
second with the antidote.’ Jimmy
couldn’t reply. His mouth felt frozen. Yves
stared at the watch desperately. ‘Only
five minutes.’ ~~~~~~~ “I’m
not falling for that.” Fletcher smirked. “You three think you can
trick me into giving him the antidote?” Byers
glanced desperately at the others. “What can we do? Time is running
out!” “I
don’t know.” Langly replied miserably. “This
really must be out of GirlX’s hand’s now.” Frohike muttered. “That’s
it!” Byers said, almost to himself. “What’s
it? GirlX isn’t helping us. It’s like she gave up.” Langly
interjected. “Or
was forced out of the game.” Frohike said. “What
are you three muttering about?” Fletcher demanded. “Nothing.
Except that GirlX is about to kick your ass!” Frohike said. “You
really think she’ll let Jimmy die?” “Hah!
That’s your big plan? GirlX can’t do a thing about any of this.”
Fletcher sneered. “Yeah,
sure.” Langly caught on to the shorter man's ploy. “How would you
know?” “I
got rid of her Keyboard, you dimwits.” Fletcher said. “Just because I
don’t have the magic shoes, it doesn’t mean I can’t use the magic of
technology.” “Right.
GirlX just let you make her keyboard disappear.” Byers said skeptically. “I
did it!!” Fletcher flew into a rage and brandished his remote. “I just
push this button on the remote and--” ~~~~~~~ “My
keyboard!” GirlX cried out. It had suddenly repapered under her
fingertips. “I’ve
gotta help them, but the ending to my story still has to be plausible!”
Her fingers flew over it. “But first, I’ve gotta help Jimmy...” ~~~~~~~ “So,
you see, I’ve emerged the victor.” Fletcher smirked. He tucked the
remote back into his pocket. But,
when he put the remote back, a little syringe was pushed out. “No!
The Antidote!” He yelled. Langly
ran under the balcony and neatly caught the syringe. “Take
care of him, I’ll get this to Jimmy!” He yelled and ran up the stairs. “Stop
him!” Fletcher shrieked. Guards began to chase after our straw hero. “Oh
crap.” ~~~~~~~ ‘I
can’t believe I’m going out like this.’ Jimmy thought. ‘Death by
poison. It’s embarrassing!’ Yves
was stalking back and forth in front of Jimmy, watching the seconds tick
by. ‘Thirty
seconds.’ She was on the verge of weeping. ‘Jimmy-’ Suddenly
the door flew open. “I’ve
got it!” Langly gasped. ‘Hurry!’
Yves said. Langly
bent down and inserted the needle into Jimmy’s neck. “This
should work.” He nervously plunged it. “I
can’t believe I’m dying this way.” Jimmy suddenly moaned. “You’re
not.” Relief flooded Langly’s voice. ‘Where
are Byers and Frohike?’ Yves asked. “Uh-oh.” ~~~~~~~ “At
least we’re going out fighting.” Frohike muttered. Several guards had
guns pointed at them. “We’re
not dead yet.” Byers said. “And GirlX just-” Fletcher
was clicking the button on the remote desperately. “Its
not working!” He whined. “You disabled it!” (GirlX:
No duh.) “Hey,
can you help us out here?” Frohike asked nervously. (GirlX:
Sorry guys, but this is outta my hands. The ending has to write itself,
every author knows that.) “Great.”
Byers muttered. “Okay
men, fire on my count.” Fletcher tossed the useless remote aside. “No
way.” A familiar nasal voice said. Fletcher spun around. “Hello.”
Jimmy smirked and heaved the bucket of water at the villain. “Ack!”
Fletcher sputtered. “What did you do that for?!” “Um,
to melt you?” “Water
won’t melt me you dolt!” Fletcher shrieked. “Huh?” Fletcher
rolled his eyes. “Are you really that dumb?!” Langly
groaned and smacked his forehead. “If
you had one tiny iota of a brain in your head, you’d know my secret
weakness is--MMPH!” Fletcher clapped a hand over his mouth. (GirlX:
Damn!) “Cheater!”
Fletcher removed his hand. “Well,
that didn’t work.” Frohike said. (GirlX:
Shut up.) “Just
shoot them!” Fletcher said. “Okay
men, fire at will.” A guard ordered. Jimmy
grabbed Fletcher’s collar, and held him over the edge of the balcony. “Don’t
shoot!” Fletcher squeaked. “That’s
better.” Jimmy smirked and tightened his grip. “Now, what was that
secret weakness you were talking about?” “I
don’t have one!” He gasped. “Okay.”
Jimmy loosened his hold. “Okay
okay!” Fletcher cried out. “It’s umm...uh...” “Drop
him.” Langly hissed. “Then we can get his glass and get the Hell outta
here!” Byers
and Frohike were still being held at gunpoint by Fletchers goons, and
could only watch. ‘Jimmy,
let him drop.’ Yves agreed. Jimmy
looked at them helplessly. “But guys, I can’t--” “Jimmy
lookout!” Two voices suddenly cried out from below him. “Huh?”
Jimmy’s gaze went back to Fletcher. Fletcher
had swung himself back over the railing. “Go ahead and push me Jimmy!” “Uh--”
Jimmy took a few steps backward, suddenly confused. ‘How
did this get turned around again?’ He thought desperately. (GirlX:
Psst, Jimmy. Don’t worry about it. I think it’s all taken care of.) “What?”
Jimmy said aloud. “What?”
Fletcher countered. “Um--” “Never
mind.” Fletcher smirked. “Guards! Bring those two up here! I want them
to die in front of me.” Byers
and Frohike were shoved up the stairs. “Watch
the suit!” Byers snapped. “And
so it ends.” Fletcher took a gun from one of his drones. “Not with a
bang, but with a whimper.” (GirlX:
Not today, MIB.) “What?”
Fletcher took his attention from the Gunmen just for a second. It was just
long enough. Jimmy
grabbed a nearby bucket of--something--and tossed it on Fletcher. “NOOOOOOOOO!”
Fletcher howled. Green ooz covered the agent. “I
don’t know!” Jimmy cried out. “You
imbecile! That was alien goo!” Fletcher wailed and slumped toward the
floor. “Alien
goo?” Byers raised an eyebrow. “Dissolving
alien goo!” Fletcher rolled his eyes. “Oh.”
Byers glanced at his comrades. “Because
that makes more sense?” Frohike asked. “I
guess.” Langly replied uncertialy. “Who
would have thought a nitwit like you could destroy all my evil?!”
Fletcher demanded. He was definitely melting now. “Well
this nitwit just did.” Jimmy grinned for a second. “Wait, I didn’t
say that right.” ‘Too
late.’ Yves said. ‘He’s gone.’ Fletcher
had melted into his cheap suit. All that was left was his unused wedding
ring, a bad tie and-- “The
martini glass.” Jimmy picked it up. “So,
on to the Sapphire city?” (GirlX:
Sure, let me speed things up for you.) The
fortress dissolved around them in a wash of special effects, not unlike
those in ‘Star Trek’. “Cool.”
Langly commented. (GirlX:
Thank you.) “Okay,
make it a double cheese with--Oops, my one O’clock is here.” A
short woman in a tacky blue dress appeared before them behind a desk.
“So, your the ones who killed the Wicked Witch?” “Uh,
yeah, that’s us.” Jimmy said. “Great.”
The woman smiled widely, and chomped on a piece of bubble gum. “You have
the glass?” “Right
here.” Jimmy held it up. “Very
good.” She said. “Okay, umm, who wanted the human thing?” ‘Me.’
Yves pawed her leg. “And
I can see why. Honey, you look like something the cat dragged in!” She
giggled. The
Gunmen shared a skeptical look. “You’re
Lydia?” Byers asked. “Yes
indeed hon.” Lydia flashed them another smile. “Okay, human thing for
Kitty-Kitty--” Yves
growled. “--Floppy
disks for metal guy--” “Um--”
Byers began. “--D&D
for the skinny one--” “HEY!” “--Spaceballs
for the lion--” “Uh,
I’m not a--” “--And
homeward bound for the cutie. Is that right?” Lydia smiled even wider at
Jimmy. “Um.
Yeah. I think.” Jimmy looked confused. “Okay.
What have you learned from all of this?” Lydia asked. The
Gunmen shared an incredulous look. “We
were supposed to LEARN SOMETHING?!” Byers demanded. “The
moral of the story. You didn‘t learn the moral?” Lydia asked. “I
learned I hate GirlX.” Langly offered. “Not
even close.” Lydia sighed. “If you didn’t learn anything, you
can‘t go home.” ‘Are
you telling me,’ Yves sputtered. ‘That I am going to be trapped in
this feline body IF I DIDN’T LEARN A BLOODY MORAL?!?!’ “Umm,
yes.” Yves
was spitting mad. Literally. It was a good thing she was yowling with a
cat’s voice, or GirlX would have had to have upped the rating for this
chapter. (GirlX:
You seriously have no idea?) “Not
one.” Byers shook his head. “Unless...Jimmy?” Jimmy
looked very thoughtful. “Maybe.” “Think
very hard Jimmy.” Byers said cautiously. “Have you learned anything
from all of this?” “I
guess that...I learned that my friends will always come through for me.”
He said simply. (GirlX:
Whoa. Jimmy NAILED it!) “That’s
IT? We’re always going to bail Jimmy out, no matter how deep he gets in
it?!” Langly yelled. (GirlX:
Ummm, yeah.) Langly
groaned. “So can we go home now?” (GirlX:
Hell yeah.) ~~~~~~ Jimmy
started awake. He glanced around his fully colorized room and grinned. “I’m
home!” He jumped up. “Hey Guys! Guys!” Jimmy
ran down the hall towards the kitchen. Langly glared at him. “Langly,
man, I had the weirdest dream. And you were th-” “I
know.” Langly scowled. “What?” “I
remember--whatever that was. So do Byers and Frohike.” “So...It
wasn’t a dream?” Jimmy asked, confused. “Man,
I don’t know what it was, but I just hope it never happens again.”
Langly grumbled. “By the way, we now own the latest version of
D&D.” Jimmy
went into the kitchen. Byers and Frohike glanced up. “I
found my floppy disks.” Byers said. “Um--” “And
Frohike found ‘Spaceballs.’” He added. “Um.”
Jimmy said intelligently. There
was a knock at the Gunmen’s door. “It’s
Yves.” Langly buzzed her in. Yves,
fully human, marched in. She grabbed Jimmy’s collar. “Hi
Yves.” He squeaked. “Never.
EVER. Dream. About. Me. Again!” She released him. “Okay.”
Jimmy said meekly. Yves glared at him and stalked out. “That
was abrupt.” Frohike commented. Jimmy
just looked after the hacker, jaw hanging open. “I
wonder if we’ll see any more of GirlX.” Byers said. “I
hope not.” Langly grimaced. “Once was more than enough!” ~~~~~~ “Sorry
Langly.” GirlX smiled over her keyboard. “I’m on a roll! Now, what
shall I do next...” ~~~~~~~ The
End...for now!! How
am I writing? E-Mail me at bnlx14@aol.com
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